i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
