I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
