Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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