All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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