Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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