You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're like the curious george of whores
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
