I got chris browned last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
