He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
