u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's never too late to be topless.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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