I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
