I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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