Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
