I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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