Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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