Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
