as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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