If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize