My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
