I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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