would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
