his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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