It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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