I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
