I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
