maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
