I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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