There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
