Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
