Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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