Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
