Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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