Having a random hookup so left but love u
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
