I will die if light touches me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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