"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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