It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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