I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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