i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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