I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
