i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
