could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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