i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
