I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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