Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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