I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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