i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
