I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
