I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
