my phone needs a breathalizer
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize