Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
