TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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