Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
