Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
