but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
