my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
