It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
