i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
