i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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