did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
