You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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