The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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