If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
where are you?
Hypothermia
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
