kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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