my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
