just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Congratulations! We have a period
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