I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
