there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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