I looked at my own cervix.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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