Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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