no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
