apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
