I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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