There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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