tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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