Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
