You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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