How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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