i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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