i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize