I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
