I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
