Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
