If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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