please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
